Here's what you do..

Some NDI* in the office has received a court order from the AEC, because the AEC had fined them for not voting last year (clearly ignoring Dave's advice to vote early and often!)

Naturally, Dave piped up with some sage wisdom to share:

"Look mate. Those debt collectors have bought your debt from the AEC for 15% of its value. So here's what you do... you offer the repos one chance to get their 15%, in cash, here and now, maybe a little more to sweeten the deal. Then you remind them that if they don't take it, they run the risk of taking you to court and getting bubkas obviously, I'm paraphrasing here, Dave doesn't know Yiddish - ed.]. Mate, let me tell you, they take the cash every single time!"

You think about that...

* non Dave individual

Never, ever....

"Can I use my swipe card to get back into the building after hours?" I asked Dave.

"Sure, the trick is: you never, ever leave!"

It's Friday afternoon. That just gives you an idea of what sort of mood Dave's in today.

If I were you...

"I'd be buying Macquarie shares now," said Dave, "they're half price!"

That was about a month ago, and I didn't post it here at the time, because... well... I was actually thinking of taking Dave's advice, and I didn't want everyone jumping in on the tip.

Lucky for you, my greed saved you from making the same mistake.
Lucky for me, I don't know the first thing about buying shares.

Maybe I should ask Dave to recommend a broker...

Everybody loves Dave

Dave was in my good books today... for about thirty seconds.

That was the time it took between handing me a fresh coffee and telling me he'd swindled double the usual number of coffee card stamps as a result.

That's crap...

"If you're efficient, you don't need to be in on time."

No-one can accuse Dave of not walking the walk.

Those were the days...

"I like the old one better than the new one," said Dave, in a pensive pause of papist pontification.

If I were you...

"There's some pilgrim in the street offering free hugs to passersby," Dave reported.

"I took one look at him and said, 'Mate, that's all fine and well, but if I were you, I'd be charging people to let go. You'd make a fortune!'"

Nice one, Dave.

That's crap...

"House prices dive 6.1% in worst fall since 1993? That's crap!" said Dave.

"It should say BEST dive, not worst. The only people it's bad for are those who are cashing in on their property now.
It's good for renters, and there's a rental crisis on.
It's good for housing affordability.
It's even good for people trying to take a step up, because the difference between property classes decreases proportionally as well."

You think about that...

If you loved your kids...

"You'd send 'em to swimming lessons, wouldn't you!"

Funny, my wife said something similar during the week. I thought the little one would still be way too young - I mean, surely, he can't learn to swim before he can walk. But Dave begs to differ...

Dave recommends: Go through Swim Australia's website to find a registered swim school.

Mum's the word...

I could tell you what Dave raved about this morning, but if everyone knows, no-one makes any money... know what I mean?

Lucky for you, I'll be setting up a paid subscription service in the near future, so (for a small fee) you never need to miss a moment of Dave's magic again.

I've had it with...

"I've had it with Australian banks, with all their fees," Dave cried.
"These charges don't exist in the UK."

"If I were you," he said, "I'd ditch the big four and start banking with Macquarie."

I didn't know they had retail banking. So I did a search of their website. I can't find a cash account. But no problem, Dave will get the details from his brother and pass them on to me (and eo ipso, you too!)

Never, ever...

Never, ever attempt to have a confidential conversation with Dave across a partition, however small.

Dave has been known to forget that he's on a conference call.

If you loved your kids...

You'd have booked them into pre-school at birth.

A few things Dave thinks you should know:
1) Pre-schools fill up quicker than primary schools
2) You have to pick a pre-school within your council area
3) When your kid turns, they have to take your kid somewhere, but you might not get a choice.

So book in early before your find your kid's been dumped with the strays.

Dave recommends: KU Kindergartens